Note: This blog doesn't come from depression or disdain, and is not pointed at anybody in particular. This is just so those thinking about giving this lifestyle a chance know that it's not all adventure and smooth sailing. It definitely has a rough side or two. I still love Cairo, and my life here.
Losing loved ones is definitely a problem that all those living overseas are confronted with at one time or another. Also you have to worry about friends losing family, and even friends giving birth or getting married. I've already missed my 2 college roommates' weddings being in one country or another, and I'm none too pleased about that. There are at least a half dozen weddings I wish I could have gone to, but with my income, dropping $2000 per wedding is a little rough. I even lost the girl I thought I'd marry due to distance. Definitely not occurrences or debts I can rebound from quickly. So this life is a toss-up. Do you go abroad to experience other cultures, to realize that America is not 'the world', to see that the tourist perspective is not terribly accurate, and to constantly have life-changing experiences while making great friends or do you stay in your comfort zone so that you can go to all the important weddings, be there for the birth of you best friend's child, and attend the unfortunate funerals that inevitably happen? Obviously each person has to make that decision, and I can't say that one perspective is necessarily any better than the other. Obviously I lean more towards seeing the world, but that is not always easy. Sure living the ex-pat lifestyle is great when I'm flying to Cyprus for a weekend, sailing on the Nile at sunset or even glimpsing the Pyramids on the way home from work. But reality hits when you get nailed by a side-view mirror while walking around town, when you have to shower with bottles of water because your water went out, when a jay-walking casualty on the highway becomes an ordinary occurrence or when somebody dies and you cannot make it home for their final goodbye.
But people that have chosen the other path don't always realize that this route has its tribulations. It's extremely rough on me when I go home and friends can no longer hang out without the significant other being around. Whether I like my friend's girlfriends/boyfriends/wives/husbands, doesn't matter. I'm more than happy to see them, but at the same time it's nice to have that time with the person you grew up with, that you were originally friends with. It also goes straight to the core on your last day in town when a friend can't leave work during their normally scheduled lunch time to meet for a bite because they 'need to catch up on some stuff'. Especially on the day of a relative's passing. In the grand scheme of things, you know that 30 minutes can be made up some other time, but I won't be around for lunch for another year. Is it selfish? Probably. I don't expect people to stop their lives for me, but it would be nice for some minor leniency. If somebody were to come all the way from America to see me in Egypt, I would be expected to take some time to show them around town, make myself available for dinners, accommodations and anything else that came up. Taking time off work would not be out of the question. But why is that so acceptable? This is my life. This is not some fantasy world, this is not some passing phase. I don't know if I want to live in the States again, I don't know if I can 'get this out of my system'. So if I don't mind making myself available for visitors, is it out of the question for me to hope for people to do the same when I spend $1100 and travel 20 hours to go back to the place I was raised? Just because I grew up there, that makes my return mundane? Maryland now, is a foreign place. Yes, I'll always remember my way around most roads, and know where to go to avoid ice in the winter, but I don't know which bars to go to, which restaurants are worth the trip or even who has the cheapest gas or beer. Whether things stay the same for people at home, they do not stay the same for me. Each house that pops up, each stop light that goes in, each new restaurant and every new school is a shock to my system. When you see the planning notice, the ground breaking and the construction, it's easy to work yourself into acceptance. But when all of these things are thrown back at you when you return to your 'home', it's unnerving to say the least. And unfortunately, every trip home seems to come with loss. Be it loss of comfort, loss of family, or loss of friendship, leaving never feels the same twice.
Perhaps this is why I looked forward to coming back to Cairo. Because that old corn field is now a development, because my high school no longer exists the way I knew it, because I had the painful memories of my grandfather's death fresh on my mind or maybe it was because I could feel a rift between myself and some of my friends. Whether they felt it or not, I could.
So now I sit here and wonder; how important is it to go home? Do I do it for other people or just for myself? If I do it for my family, then how should I feel when the occasional friends are flaky? I definitely can't lump them all in there, and I definitely have amazing ones that will swing by for 20 minutes just because they are in the area, but can one erase the hurt caused by the others? The friends I make abroad I probably have more in common with than most of those I grew up with, but that doesn't necessarily make them 'better' friends. With the vast majority of people met abroad, there is that notion in the back of your head that after a certain point not too far in the future, you will probably never see them again. I've made great friends in Belize, Jeju, Charleston, and Cairo, but if I move to another place, do I have to leave my expectations of friendship behind too? It all seems to boil down to quality; those people who were true friends, and value their time with you will always be available for that phone call, that Skype date or that lunch. They will remember your birthday, or send an email just to say hi. The others will just be too busy with 'life'.